Having my cake

When I was little, I decided that I wanted my Mummy to stay at home and be there for me when I came home from school. That didn't happen. What did happen was that she went back to work as a teacher at the school I went to and then she was there all day for me.

Lucky me.

I loved my childhood. Of course, I want the same thing for my children also. I just haven't got the passion to become a teacher and so my kids are going to have a very different childhood than I did. Not that this could be avoided anyway; my husband is in the Armed Forces and so he is away much of the time.  Very different again to my experience. My dad was also a Teacher until I left school and so School Holidays were always very centered around home and family.

I started work last Monday. It was amazing to be able to feel the freedom of being myself. To use my brain again. To leave the family home and do something only I knew about. Wow. How liberated it felt. It still does.

People (friends and family) have very varied opinions about whether I should be working rather than looking after the children. Fine. Whatever they think is up to them but I was actually becoming a destructive person to be around. I was cross and upset and my confidence in my abilities had bottomed out.  It is GOOD for me to be back at work and if people don't agree then tough luck.

I have three fabulous children and an incredibly supportive husband. We have problems, of course we do, but they are becoming less and less now that I have my own identity again.

Deciding on childcare for Moo was not difficult. I did not have a choice. It was actually an emergency procedure. I had to take the first place I found with available space. I made the right choice there too. He LOVES everything about his creche. He does not cry when I leave him, he eats all his food and he is in an outstandingly good mood every evening when I go to collect him. i haven't seen him this satisfied in a while. It is of course expensive but I would do it for my entire wage as long as he is happy.

My oler two boys are experiencing new things too with my being at work.  They are given much more space and time to choose what they want to do without coming to mummy to ask what they should do (I hate that).  Time together with them will be, and already is, much more precious and I appreciate it so much more.

I may not sit down until 10pm every night of the week but that will probably improve as I let myself take it easier about what I need to achieve each day. I am getting my ability to 'REMEMBER things' back.

I am now me again. I love it. I think I might even start to love myself again too.  I hope it doesn't end too quickly or I may be here typing a rather different story next time.